Category: Teen Topics
Hey everyone. I'd like your opinion on this. Ok so hear's the story. well, I've had a friend for well, most of my life. My mom and her mom met when we were both 8 or nine months old. Right now we're both 18 years old. Now a few weeks ago, we went to sort of like a college course thing for a week. That week happened to be the week of my birthday. Well a day before my birthday, someone I thought was my friend offered to give me a redbull. He came when everyone was asleep. I didn't no he'd try anything. Instead of just giving me the redbull, he kissed me. I didn't expect it, and I didn't like it. Well a week passed and rumors started going around that the dude didn't kiss me, apparently he screwed me too, acording to him and everyone else. I didn't pay attention to it because it just didn't matter. The only reason it came up to my attention at all is because that girl I known for that long apparently believes the guy over me. But you guys tell me, does it make any sense for someone you've known for most of your life to believe someone she just met maybe not even a year ago? Part of me feels like I have to be the better friend and make her see reason but at the same time it's kind of like, i cant, you know? Not because I don't want to, no, I cant because she just wants to avoid me because acording to her, I cause drama. See, that doesn't make sense either because number one, where her and her apparent bestfriend hang out, I'm never there. All the VI people hang out in one table. I don't like to hang out there. So for me to cause drama anywhere near her would be nearly impossible, seeing as, I bearly even see her. And keep this in mind, this isn't the first time she does anything like this. Last year, she pushed me aside for another girl too. No, I don't like her like that, it's just that to me it always seemed she wanted to be my friend. But it's like when something better comes along, she does everything in her power to avoid me because of the other person. What doesn't make sense to me is, how can she say that something a guy told her that she hasn't known for this long be more valid than something that I told her, when I've known her longer. Wouldn't it seem that if you've known someone for that long that you'd know them well enough to believe if they were lying or not? And anyway it happened to me. The guy kissed me. This isn't the only thing that's happened with her. Two days ago, I had my phone stolen, she decides to post it up on facebook. ,wouldn't it make more sense to have asked me before she did that? After all, it is my phone it happened to me right? The only reason she says she posted it up in the first place is because I accused her friend of stealing it. The crazy shit is though, I wasn't even the one that came up with the accusation, my history teacher thought that maybe she took it by mistake. Well yeah, that's the story.
well in response to your post maybe before assuming so much things maybe one of the reasons your friend does not really care about your feelings anymore is cuz maybe after so much things you have been through she is tired. maybe she just got tired of listening to so much problems of yours cuz think of it maybe during the 18 years she tried her best to deal with you and help but maybe you just comited the same mistakes to much for her liking. sometimes when people do something so much it is frustrating trying to deal with things like that it is like beating a dead horse and getting nowhere. and obviously when your friend saw the better thing come along she jumped at the chance to get away from you. and maybe instead of getting mad or anything if you would have stuck by her maybe your friendship could have survived cuz i am guessing the girl got so used to being away from you and getting all your problems off her shoulders and maybe her friends made her feel better than you ever did. i am assuming they probably helped her become something you didn't and she is probably happier that way. so avoiding you to her would feel like kicking a peble and not caring. maybe when she is older and more mature she will understand you better. and maybe your friend does know people are spreading dumb rummors but she does not feel the need to explain anything to you cuz she has her friends who she can express herself too which helps her unlike you you should do exactly what she does and just avoid her to. and next time you talk about her friends and her make sure she is not around you. learn how to keep a low profile or just dont say anything at all
People outgrow their friendships all the time. The disillusionment that follows the slow natural death of a strong bond is difficult to experience.
When such things as those described in the first post begin to occur, the wisest thing to do is walk away reassured in the fact that enough was done to salvage the relationship. Perceived betrayals and accusations only lead to endless quarreling.
The fact that a friendship has been ongoing since the formative years of childhood should not make one believe it is worth preserving. People grow up, outgrow interests and ideas, and change or become different persons. At 18 the world is just beginning to open up, exploration takes over.
Best advice in this situation is simply call it quits.
Perhaps, as oftentimes it so happens, the friendship will resume at a later date, in a more mature and sober form.
lupita. I don't mean to sound like a bitch, I really don't. I usually don't like to get myself into these kinds of rants, but since this post is also regarding me, I feel the need to, sorry. You made it public, so here goes. First and foremost, I believe this happens to be too much drama, and an issue that is not being handled properly. Second, Whatever happened, or why, who gives a fuck! No one cares, maybe you missed the companionship of your boyfriend over the summer, and still, it's nobody's business. Next, If this friend of yours believes it or not, she might have a reason to do so, and that is something you have no control over. You'd expect her to believe you because of the number of years? I think that's not enough, nor do years define a friendship, but how you nurture it everyday. It's called give and take. Next, Have you ever asked yourself why she says you cause drama? Or, have others stated likewise? How are you known? What are you known for? In other words, how have you presented yourself to the world with your actions? Ponder a little. I think that sometimes we are so caught up on ourselves that we don't realize the effect it has on us and others. I think you have some very, big, huge, jealousy issues. You are too clingy and possessive, I've witnessed it myself. She has the right to have the friends she wishes, it's not all about you. You pushed yourself away because you couldn't stand receiving your usual attention, no one told you to lay off. If you're going to post, do it with complete honesty. So if she says she wants to avoid you, do so. You yourself said you didn't care. Furthermore, though in regards to the phone accusations. 3 people declared you told the VI teacher that you thought it was I who stole your device because I was the first one who left the room. That's beyond stupid and idiotic. And what annoys me the most is that you wash your hands by saying that the history teacher said that, and you heard what he said to me when I talked to him. No one takes things by mistake, especially a brand new iPhone5, wtf? I'm not that hungry and desperate for an iPhone, so please stop talking shit behind my back, as you always do. I suggest that you let go of the past, and quit your rampant hypocrisy with me, cause that's not gonna work. I'm so sick and tired of being nice to you and you going behind my back saying that I backstabbed my friend, when I really didn't. So you either say things to people, or shut the fuck up. I have nothing against you, nor have I. I hold no resentment towards you, unlike yourself. I didn't do anything to you, so please stop being lethal. It's no one's fault you've got issues you can't solve for yourself. Thank you very much.
Alright, I get that. But instead of not caring, and trying to make the bad things go away, why didn't you just tell her that whatever she was doin wasn't right? Wouldn't it make sense for you to at least try to talk about it before you up and left? And get real, what if one didn't meet the other, things might have been different. ,maybe you can say that that girl never gave her friend anything good, but I cant. That friend made me smile a lot of times I was sad. Maybe she didn't think she made any difference but hey, she never asked. Maybe it's just a girl thing, you no? I don't mind avoiding her, no, that isn't the problem. Heck, she's right, I am used to being away from her because this dumb girl's hurt me before with this. It used to matter. :) not so much any more. No, it isn't avoiding her that bothers me, I guess I just wanted to help her. Maybe it's way too late now. I get it, new best friend, better life. It doesn't mean I cant at least try. That's what I was supposed to do, right? ,the Thing that doesn't make sense is, why would she run away from her problems? Better to nip the problem in the bud before she get's something she cant handle. I'm not calling her weak, I'm just trying to say that it wouldn't make sense to just sugar coat everything if you can fix it now. What about this girl's friend. Where does she fit into this. This girl wasn't so like that before. I'm not downgrading her friend or anything, 1m really just curious. What'd I do to her? Is it cause I've known this girl for so long? Maybe she wants to give her more than I tried giving her just to prove that she better? I'm not sure. She doesn't have to prove anything though. Look at my friend now, she has someone to talk to, has someone that cares. I cant say that for my self. What's there to prove? I chose that for my self. Nobody needs to tell me that. I chose that because that's all I can do. I don't know who's going to be my friend and who isn't. And right now, it's even harder for me to know that. Ok, well thank you for everything anyway. I'll avoid her, like you said. There is one more thing though, that girl, she was wrong about something. Breaking up with my boyfriend didn't ruin my life at all. I like someone knew. I like myself just fine and now thats the first person I thinks about instead of that guy. No, it didn't ruin my life to leave him, it made my life a lot more interesting.
okay once again not to be rude but instead of trying to help someone who clearly has stated they want to ignore you. personally from my point of view you should first help yourself and deal with the issues you have that were menshioned. maybe you did have good times with this person but you have to know that when people choose to ignore you they burry things in to black holes maybe you were having the time of your life but she maybe was not. Have you thought that maybe her new friend is actually helping her more than you claimed you want to. the main point this person seems to want to get across is that she does not need your advice or help. and istead of worrying so much about what her actions are she will learn at her own time. right now just stay out of her way. thats what this person seems to want
Read my provious post, lupita. I don't care how long you've known her for, I don't care about your friendship with her, it's not mine so can't interfeer. No I don't think I'm better, I'm not telling her what to do, this is something she's done all on her own. What did you do to me? Nothing, it's the other way around? In your mind, of course. Because I didn't do a thing to you. And if you're holding resentments from about 7 years ago for something I didn't do to you, then that's on you. But I tried to be nice to you, and I thought you were genuinely equally as nice, but you are just a hypocrite. I'm sick of that. Get it? So... yeah, please get me out of that because I'm not doing anything to you, thank you
*previous
Alright. I get that. But before you say things like that, you should maybe think two, you just said I was lethal. You was just lethal to me. And go ahead, don't be nice to me, I don't care. alright, you want the truth? Hear goes. You asked for it. Keep in mind thoug, wile I'm writing this, I'm not angry at you at all, I'm more or less confused. Whether you believe it or not is up to you.Well, what doesn't make sense again is, why would you just come at me like that and then say you don't have anything against me? Also, I no she has a right to her friends, hey, I learned that a long time ago. Remember last year? Come on, you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, no, I actually don't talk behind your back. I don't no who told you that shit but that's not how I roll. Didn't you just read this thing I wrote to Lorena? I don't sugarcoat anything. Tell if if there's anything you don't already no. I don't like yo. When you talk, your voice and everything else you say sounds like a lie. I think you act like a little girl. I'm g2ad your friends with Lorena because it makes her happy because well like she "just said, I need to avoid her. At least though, your smart enough not to sugarcoat stuff. Maybe you could teach that to lorena. Might help her out a little bit. And actually, as far as I no, nobody besides you and lorena says I cause drama. I've asked. Anyway, unless your talking about someone I don't know then I haven't heard nothing. And that's how you learn things, people tell you what you do wrong and you try to work from that. Maybe you learn yourself, depends on the person. And about the phone. Hear's mr. cline's exact words from yesterday, "Well, the best I can do for you is check if milagross maybe took it" "She did walk out of the room pretty quickly, maybe she took it by mistake thinking it was hers" Take it or leave, again, up to you. One question though, why do you pretend to be nice to, I don't. Don't you notice how I fucking try to sit away from you? I don't like being near you. Look, it's not even you I don't like, well yeah it is, but it's more that it kind of makes me afraid for lorena that you hang out with her. What the fuck have you turned her into. Oh, and I wasn't lying about anything I posted. If I was, oh well, thats up to you to believe. Maybe you don't know who to trust either. Maybe people hurt you too. Sorry to hear that. We all go through it. Some feel more alone then others. If there's anything else I'm missing let me know. What else do you wanna know? If you didn't already know everything I've just told you, welcome to reality. And hey, maybe I'm making a big ass mistake trying to tell you the truth. Ok, I guess I'll learn from that too. If you'd like to do me a favor though, since I'm not supposed to be talking to Lorena, or actually, in case she reads this, I don't hate her either. I couldn't even if I'd like to. Tell her too, or in case
tell her good luck, and she did make a difference.
okay regardless or not dolce since you seem to be the girls friend lupita seems to think you are a lethal thing to this girl and she is trying to rescue her from you. but since this girl is really your friend that willl not happen. if she chose to trust you after what lupita says happened in the past she is showing signs that she can forgive and forget and move on. obviously qualities lupita seems to lack at least from my point of view. so dont worry dolce remember once a hypocrit always a hypocrit some people change at the pace of a turtle. i'm sorry to say. and in life some people dont have time to wait for that crap.
Ok, you keep making that clear. I'm a bad person. Chill, I get that. Whoever said anything about the past though? Where did you hear a story like that. You swear I sit around and think, hmmm, today I'm going to hate this person because of something that happened seven years ago. First off, I don't have time for that. No, why I don't like her has nothing to do with the past. It's everything to do with her though. Everything your saying is irrelivant because first off, I never called you anything, so your act
Lupita, guess what? Flash news, I already knew that about you. What also doesn't surprise me is that you did it behind a keybord, congratulations! made no difference! You don't like me, but yet you've asked me for money and things and I've been nice to you. Genuinely nice, without asking you for shit in return. I don't give a flying fuck weather you like me or not, it doesn't make a difference in my life. So how can you say that I sound like a lye and then say I'm good at not sugar coting everything? Sounds contradictory. I really have nothing against you, I am just baffled at the fact that you don't take responsabillitty for what you do, but hey. It's not that I don't like you, I'm indifferent towards you. That's the difference between you and me. I don't pretend to be nice, I act and treat you the way you treat me. Except that I tell you what I think, even when you've asked me questions about your stuff, remember? Either way, thank you for putting me up to date, that it was so old. And another thing. I didn't turn her into anything, she has a mind of her own, as do I. About your phone, you should've kept it with you in your pocket or something, so this shit, which you don't call your's, didn't even happen in the first place. And what about last year? Say it, please do. Any more truths I can't handle, please?
Oh wait, I missed some points. Yes I've been hurt, many many times. But I've been able to handle my problems in such a way that I've accomplished so much. Very, very much. And I'm not alone, because I have more than one person who really cares about me. Really, I don't care why you don't like me, because I know I haven't done anything to harm you, so deal with your bitter feelings. Now please, I'm gonna have popcorn ready for the next entertainment that's in store for me.
There isn't anything to say, I don't need to bring anyone else into it because it wouldn't make since for me to do that. Millogross, what do you want? Do you want me to tell you straight out? To your face? If that's what you want, ok, just say so. Although, if you wanted that, why didn't you just ask a long time ago? No, I'm not being a hypocrite, we both are. You, if you knew I didn't like you, why didn't you just come and talk to me. Maybe things could've been different. Me, I knew I didn't like you but like you, I was trying not to cause anything, because really, there's no need to. I could've at least been civil to you. So that's what I did. Alright, I'm sorry, maybe I should've gone to talk to you. I sure as shit didn't say shit to other people about you though. Everyone knew I didn't like you. Everyone has there own opinions. Again, your proving my point. You both are so quick to deffend each other, and don't get me wrong that's grate, I'd do the same for Natalia, or Eva. But instead of actually trying not to call anyone out of there name, your coming at me out of anger. Where do you get off on telling me I'm doin someone bad when your coming at me sideways? You both are. Good for you, you're bestfriends. Whoopie, but it doesn't make sense for you to call anyone out they name if I never did that to either of you. And before you say, nobody is calling me anything, read your own writing, does that sound calm and breezy to you? If your gonna talk to me, please don't call me out my name. And before you call me a bad person, or a angry person, or a hypocrite, please read how you talk to me. If all both of you are going to do is argue, save it for someone who cares, either tell me straight out, or please just save it between the two of you. Have a great night to both of you.
And that's good for you, That's good you have other people. I don't envy you that, because one day, I'll find my own. Good luck with everything. I don't like you but either way I don't wish harm on you. I'm going to go to sleep because to be honest, my head and throat really hurt. All of this is sounding like a hypocrite. At least I know that I'm that. I'm not trying to deny it. I know what I am. I'm trying to work from that. Sorry if I'm slow.
Feel free to hate on me, both of you, and I know I'm going to sound paternalistic and probably weird, but I shudder to think this stuff is out on a public website which, unlike so many forums and places, you cannot edit your posts on.
Why, I do not know: this is one reason I strongly believe editing posts should be allowed, or removing posts should be allowed.
You two kids are barely out of high school, don't even realize the rammifications of a lot of things. You're a lot more savvy about online things in some ways than we were, because then there was only bulletin boards which only a few people were on.
Years from now, hell, at your age even six months from now, you'll wish this topic was never up. I hope a CL might chance to remove it. I can't appreciate what this must be like: every single fool thing I said and did at your age, and that was quite a bit of foolery in my case, has washed away with time. Only a few people have memories of these things and maybe we just sit and laugh some about that stuff when drunk. But now with the Internet, this is actually out here. If you had done what the young ones do on Facebook and Twitter, and had a spat online there, you could have at least removed it. Happens all the time on there, even though there we still caution them to do it in private since people can share the content with others if it's public.
Note, I'm not commenting on the content of your drama, I can't make sense of it anyway. And I never could, even though I raised a daughter and have nieces and all their friends. But this public display of things is how others in your own age range might misuse the information. I mean even a few years from now. Not when you're full adults, nobody cares what people did as kids, we were all fools to one degree or another, whether it's girl drama or guy brawls or what have you.
If it's written down and in public, people can use it against you. And again, by people, I mean some senseless teenagers in your peer group. To the second poser, I would say, rather than outing yourself in public you might well should have just contacted the other party in private. We're really only starting to figure out what the rammifications of this public display can be. I consider myself reasonably well informed being in the technology industry, and being a present dad of a girl you girls' age. A few years ago, nobody even thought of this stuff. And yet there are devastating consequences at times from others in your peer group who choose to share these types of public fights with people.
I know I'm meddling, it's you guys's topic, but this public display has reminded me a lot of what I've read about recently, and what we see out here sometimes. You kids just gotta learn to be careful.
Leo, I don't hate on you for your post. I completely understand what you're saying, and I'm fully aware that I gotta be careful. But for the same reason that this post came about in public, I couldn't allow misunderstandings of me come about, since it's regarding me. I am perfectly capable of defending myself. Had this post not been publicly noone would've known. So I really appreciate it all.
exuse me mr. Leo? I'm just curious. There were three people. Do you mean me an one of the other girls? Or them too? I'm really trying to ask, I'm just not sure how to ask it. And your probably right, maybe we should have done this in private. You know, the crazy thing is, I really just wanted some help with all of this, I wasn't even trying to talk to them in a way that would make them upset. I am very sorry you had to be a witness to that. I'm sorry anyone did.
And All I've got left to say is this. Who's asking you to involve other parties? Why should I ask you to come talk to me when you are the one with those feelings? Maybe because I don't care and don't have the same feelings? Why would I need to ask you? Did you think I was gonna feel all bad because of it? Strike two, wrong! Why did you post this, if you didn't expect a responce from us? I've been civil with you, and well lupita not everything is warm and breezy. Sorry, kidow! I know who I am, and I also know the things I've gotta work on too. I'm not defending her, but myself here! She can defend herself. And well I'm tired of this drama, over and over again the same shit, it's like beating a dead horse. Get over it, for heaven's sake!
Dolce all I will add is that nobody on here knew she was talking about you, this is the Internet not your backyard. That was why I said you should not out yourself in a situation like that, not unless you are ready to take whatever repercussions can come. This silly friends business will be forgotten by both, or all three, of you in a month. Hell I didn't even realize there were three of you. The fire and excitement and Internet version of screaming and scratching at each other will go away. But like sexting and other things teenagers do, someone else that is around your age might pass this along to other locations and get others into it. Again, it would have to be others who actually know what you all are even talking about, but still. This is why we so strongly advocate against this type of online behavior, you all being at an age where emotions and actions are a virtual turd stew with occasional sugar islands.
That's why I said don't identify yourself like that in an online community who would otherwise not know it was you. Enough said by me probably more than enough said.
I have no problem identifying myself, Leo. I understand, though. As for me, I'm done.
Leo, it's funny, as much as I am totally like these girls and post things like this or used to anyway, I had the same thought. When I was in high school, I used to post the most emabrrassing shit on facebook. Hell, I did it on here too, but it's worse on facebook back before you could delete everything, that crap is on there forever or it's buried too far back for me to find it now, but who knows who might find it? Oh well. The ramblings of a 15 year old emo, what can I do about it now?
And yeah, Dolce, I respect you for coming out and facing the issue head on, I guess, but no one had a clue you were at all involved in the situation until you said it yourself, except whoever was actually involved in the situation of course haha. I totally get that you aren't afraid to identify yourself, and that's awesome, but like Leo said, you'll prob regret at some point, if you don't already, getting involved in this whole thing.
Lupita, I'm sorry you've had to deal with what you mentioned in your original post. I think Rask was dead on with all of that stuff about growing up and changing. I have "friends" who I've known since I moved to Massachusetts 14 years ago, and while we may still keep in touch, it's more or less small talk just to check in with one another. We just aren't the same after getting older, and I imagine that will hold true as I continue to get older. Friends even now who I think are nearest and dearest will fade away. And that's just kind of life. So yeah it totally sucks that she's believing other people over you and avoiding you and everything, but like others have said, time isn't a strong enough factor to measure strenth of friendship. Sounds like you might just have to totally cut ties with her. I hope what I've said helps at least a little. :/
As of now I don't regret it, because I'm standing up for myself, for those who do know about the situation, and even those who don't, it's fine. I'm not gossoping, threatening, or wishing anyway hell. But I really understand, sarah.
But Dolce, with all due respect, it is gossipping and mudslinging on a public forum. I have no idea where you're all from, nor do I care, but what started as a rant/question about previously unidentified people has now become, frankly, a big mud-slinging catfight. Perhaps this is something that should have been handled with PMs?
Queen, as others have said, longevity does not make a relationship work, in and of itself. From personal experience, some friendships die out natural deaths, some end in painful drama and recriminations because issues and frustrations that have boiled beneath the surface suddenly explode one day... but it does sound like, good or bad, one of you has moved on from this friendship in some point. This is not a bad thing - is, in fact, completely normal - but it does stink that this has been occurred in a painful way.
Kate
I'm confused about the problem because first off, it seems like you are frustrated and just wrote what came to mind without putting thoughts in order. And second, this blew up in a dramatic outburst and I try to stay out of those things. All I have to say without being judgemental is friend issues are meant to stay between the two or the group, otherwise what happened above is the result most of the time.
Leo, my friend. Welcome to the new way to deal with personal issues.
You say you can remove things, but how do you know these things aren't kept by someone?
We don't own Facebook, Twitter, and other internet businesses, and the privacy rules are only as good as the business makes them.
I believe that sense this is the way people communicate now, much of this communication will not be noticed, nor used against anyone soon.
Facebook as a great example of how it has been, however, it has not slowed Facebook donw at all.
This was done on the telephone when that became popular, but who knew who was listening?
We send tons of email about personal issue daily, how do we know it isn't someplace to read?
No matter the method, once something leaves your mind and mouth, it is possible you've just made it public.
You told John a secret, and soon as you told John that secret, it wasn't secret anymore, because you can't no 100 percentJohn will not tell Mary.
My personal rule is to say what I mean to say, or not say it at all.
First of all, I am totally about to creep out on Sarah's Facebook..
2nd off, I just Motor boated the hell out of 2 cheeseburgers.. Sexy
Can anybody say N S A???